Saturday, January 16, 2016

Run to Survive

  This is the first time we went to another city other than melacca city. Three of us joining the charity run, had lots of fun. It's been year I didn't dance zumba, I appreciate that I still can dance.This charity run means a lot to me, I appreciate it when I still able to run and walk even though stamina is worse than before.This is the first time I not running alone during the charity run. I run with my colleague, the feeling is good when got people accompany you, I stop, he also stop. But another collegue running fast. Glad that I accomplished the mission.
  Throughout the run and this outing, I feel we still have gap and still don't understand each other.What I gonna do? Sometimes I miss yet sometimes scare to be hurt again.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016


  Recently got someone treat me good. Our first date watch movie together. We knew each other is one year before. I was surprised after 1 year he told me that his parents like me from the first sight. I don't know how to respond, I just ignore it. Second date watch movie also, but together with his family. He said he told one of my colleague that he likes me.I just assume he kidding.Start from the second date, he keeps invite me go Muar, steamboat at aunty house and want to bring me for buy vege. I started to think whether I got feeling towards him. Saw his friend, I feel tension instead of say hi. My feeling already gone I think. More he did to me, I feel sorrow and don't know how to tell him. I am serious in relationship and I don't want later get hurt again. I just think all this is too fast, maybe can start from friend first. I also don't like to play people feeling. I not even know his Chinese name,  favourite and his story.
  Fourth movie at dataran, few people there, I feel freedom when went out with him, play car racing and basketball. Everytime I need help, he sure will pop out.Moving time, he also help me.Sick, she brought me food which I really touch.I don't know whether is this fate. I scare to hurt people, don't know how should I tell him.I also don't know how to ask him when he start to like me and what he likes about me. I  not sure my own feeling, maybe need few times outing but I appreciate to have him as my friend.

All About Me

  Today I MC, while sick, I am thinking about my relationship. Suddenly my friend bf told me his gf upset because sometimes I quite cold. Since what happen to me and US friend, I really believe that friendship also will not forever. I did put alot of effort to get used with our relationship, sometimes dream about her, I convince myself is just illusion even eveytime after dream i turn bad mood. I still don't know why I am so attached to her. Till today, I used to this kind of friendship. Before having bf, she still okay. After having bf, no news and message from her.
  From last friendship, I really get hurt so much. Maybe this is why I try to not too attached to other friendship as well. I used to say I will take care of friend till she found her Mr.Right,I will let go and I really did. But, her bf said she really care about me but I ignore her. Sometimes I need to protect myself from get hurt again, I know is selfish but I have to. Yes, sometimes when I review our photo, I also miss his gf but I need to control myself from not too get into it.You did said I did a lot of good thing to you and you won't forget and it make you touched.I just can say sorry my "cold" feeling hurt you. I also scare people treat me good and suddenly cold, that's why I also will avoid if people treat me too good because I scare will lost.i can understand your feeling.
  He is a good man, perhaps he can bring you happiness, I also happy for you. Wish both of you stay sweet forever. Yup, I am cold but anything still can find me

First blog 2016

  It's been two years long I didn't renew my blog. Today 2016 I write blog again. Last time I care whether got people comment or not, but now I don't care, blog is just for myself to express out my feeling.
  Today I went to hospital for follow up again, doctor advise me better don't take the heavy thing. He said he also don't want later need to do operation. The most scary thing is I scare It turns worse and cannot walk. This coming Saturday I join zombie run (charity run). This charity run means a lot to me. In fact, doctor advise better don't but I want to try. Can I still run or cannot run depends on this charity run. Perhaps I can finish 5km run and nothing bad happen in between.

Monday, October 28, 2013


  Lately, i watch this series and i am so addicted to it. When i watching this series, i saw an airport and it reminds me of them again. Airport is the place for people to achieve their dream and also the place where they have to leave each other ( family, friend and etc) to further their studies at oversea. We can see a lot of situation that happen in the airport such like people crying of have to leave their family. Besides, also got people happy when they saying goodbye to their love ones. I cry when i watch the girl have to say goodbye to her loves one and their relationship already changed and they will not be together again. Sometime we cannot predict what will happen in the future. But no matter what the decision we make, we must not regret about it. Instead of regret about the past, why not we waste our time to invent our future? It's right, the fate is already fixed but most of the fate is in our hand. It's depends on how we invent and appreciate it~

過去的不強求, 要走的不挽留


最近对这句词的感触很深。 一直以来,也许是我太强求了, 太执着于人,事,物。 对于友情和爱情很重感情的我终于好像就快放手了。过去就让它过去吧,不要一直怀恋以前的回忆而忘记向前进。没有固定的友情或爱情是会长久的。 缘来缘去,好聚好散。 既然如果我们的缘已尽,就算再怎么强求也没用。这只会让彼此感到很累。所以,要是注定了你们要走,我也不会再强迫自己挽留你们。这些都是无常,就是这些让人都很犹豫和引起烦恼。烦恼都是由自己的思想所造成的。但这并不代表只要你逃避,就不会有烦恼。 正确的方式是面对它,处理它与放下它。

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Mix feeling

  Yesterday, i brought my juniors went to Jalan Pasar to buy electronic component and ask for guidance for her project. I know the feeling when you feel hopeless when there is no one else who can help you or guide you during the progress of final year project (FYP). Because of that reason, i sacrifice my sleeping time to wake up earlier to bring them there. After that when she mentioned yun yi they also got joined our annual camp. At that moment, i really have no special feeling even i know she did that to attract me. I not sure whether i change or they changed until i really tired of this kind of friendship?
  Since they came back to Malaysia, they didn't contact me at all even through facebook. This really make me upset at first. Slowly, i used to this kind of situation. Even US friend online also they didn't chat with me. I am the one always find them and chat. Just when they have problem and doubt, they only will come to find me. Sometime i really don't know what they treat me as? I don't mind to become trash can but sometime i want to find people to chat with to release out everything, they always busy and seldom reply. This makes me not dare to disturb them. But when they have problem, i sure will be there for them and try hard to solve their problem.
  Recently, i don't feel like want to facebook. I really tired of those things. Yup, when i saw them online, i feel like wanted to chat with them but i not dare to disturb them since they always busy with their studies. I miss them almost everyday but what can do? The life still goes on. Maybe just me only miss them, they never miss me like how i miss them. I tired of friendship and love. Where to find friend who really always be there for you when you need them? Five years of friendship finally changed. Even i really want to ask them come to join my convocation but i not dare and don't want to force them. Perhaps i can face the convocation naturally. Maybe that time many people will take photo together in one gang or one group.Maybe in the convocation is the last time we will meet each other. Everyone has their own direction and different way to go. Every moment in uniten will be in my mind forever, no matter happy or upset incident. I really envy those who have good housemates and stay until end of the semester. I hope i also can be like them but got one time i chased out by my housemates. I have no one to blame, just can blame myself of being stupid and not clever like others who always got the good result. Seriously, until today i still not yet ready for my convocation, i don't know how to face it naturally.