Frontliner part 2

Since the mco until now, i never go back to my hometown. I guess already been 3-4months. Sometime will miss mother and my mother still don't know i work as frontliner now. If she know she will not allow me to work. The thing that i felt glad was during mco many people have to stop their work, some no income but i still can work as usual. Manager ready lot of things for staff to prepare in case we all been quarantine. Really nice and feel lucky to have this kind of manager, keep thinking about staff.
  We been busy with covid19 test until less time to rest. But still feel glad that we can help them by providing the test. Sometime i will think if really got positive case what can do. I thought it not gonna happen as we just help those people test before they started to work. In the meantime, i also got prepare for the worst. Since the day i choose this field, i already tell myself to accept whatever worst case happen. Yes recently got some case happen, i been close contact with positive case and need to be self quarantine until the day i undergo covid19 test. During quarantine time, many thing pop out in my mind, family and friends. I thought after unlock i can cross state to go back hometown but this suddenly happen. I got a friend who i really care for also pop out in my mind, i wanted to tell her sorry and no matter what happen, she still the important person to me. I know maybe we can't be same like lasy time but i just want to say lucky to know you as my friend. Sorry for sometime been hurting you but i didn't mean it. I know the reason behind it enough already.
Back to quarantine life, really boring, can't go out to anywhere just stay at home wait until the day to test. Many thing play in my mind. I have to prepare if positive, what should i do with family and plan for what should i do next. Now just can wait for the result out.

Frontliner part 1

It's been four years i never tupdate my blog Suddenly feel like write blog. During this 4 years, was not easy for me, got up and down. It's better to have up and down so that we can learn more different thing and how to make ourselves stronger. I always appreciate for thing that happen no matter good or bad, it taught me a lot how to handle each situation.
  There were a lot of changes in my life. Previously work in engineering field, then started own business and now changed to become frontliner. Since the pandemic happen, frontliner play very important role. They have to prepare for the worst if anything happen. I will always read the news and follow up with the news about statistic and also some quarantine news. Glad that now been reduced but still need to monitor. Actually myself also quite surprise with the changes that i made. What i doing now is non related with engineering field. In engineering field have to deal with electrical issues and devices whereas frontliner need to deal with patients. There are totally different things.
  I'm glad that i part of frontliner and got chance to help in covid19 test. Thanks to her for introduce me the job and thanks manager for gave me opportunity to work in this field. I really have no experience but you willing to teach. It's really different experience. I coordinate and when saw negative results, happy for them. Now become demand for workers to have test before start work. I really feel them when they said during mco they no work to do and no money to use. I been through that kind of situation before until no money to eat. To be continued...

Run to Survive

  This is the first time we went to another city other than melacca city. Three of us joining the charity run, had lots of fun. It's been year I didn't dance zumba, I appreciate that I still can dance.This charity run means a lot to me, I appreciate it when I still able to run and walk even though stamina is worse than before.This is the first time I not running alone during the charity run. I run with my colleague, the feeling is good when got people accompany you, I stop, he also stop. But another collegue running fast. Glad that I accomplished the mission.
  Throughout the run and this outing, I feel we still have gap and still don't understand each other.What I gonna do? Sometimes I miss yet sometimes scare to be hurt again.

Relationship

  Recently got someone treat me good. Our first date watch movie together. We knew each other is one year before. I was surprised after 1 year he told me that his parents like me from the first sight. I don't know how to respond, I just ignore it. Second date watch movie also, but together with his family. He said he told one of my colleague that he likes me.I just assume he kidding.Start from the second date, he keeps invite me go Muar, steamboat at aunty house and want to bring me for buy vege. I started to think whether I got feeling towards him. Saw his friend, I feel tension instead of say hi. My feeling already gone I think. More he did to me, I feel sorrow and don't know how to tell him. I am serious in relationship and I don't want later get hurt again. I just think all this is too fast, maybe can start from friend first. I also don't like to play people feeling. I not even know his Chinese name,  favourite and his story.
  Fourth movie at dataran, few people there, I feel freedom when went out with him, play car racing and basketball. Everytime I need help, he sure will pop out.Moving time, he also help me.Sick, she brought me food which I really touch.I don't know whether is this fate. I scare to hurt people, don't know how should I tell him.I also don't know how to ask him when he start to like me and what he likes about me. I  not sure my own feeling, maybe need few times outing but I appreciate to have him as my friend.

All About Me

  Today I MC, while sick, I am thinking about my relationship. Suddenly my friend bf told me his gf upset because sometimes I quite cold. Since what happen to me and US friend, I really believe that friendship also will not forever. I did put alot of effort to get used with our relationship, sometimes dream about her, I convince myself is just illusion even eveytime after dream i turn bad mood. I still don't know why I am so attached to her. Till today, I used to this kind of friendship. Before having bf, she still okay. After having bf, no news and message from her.
  From last friendship, I really get hurt so much. Maybe this is why I try to not too attached to other friendship as well. I used to say I will take care of friend till she found her Mr.Right,I will let go and I really did. But, her bf said she really care about me but I ignore her. Sometimes I need to protect myself from get hurt again, I know is selfish but I have to. Yes, sometimes when I review our photo, I also miss his gf but I need to control myself from not too get into it.You did said I did a lot of good thing to you and you won't forget and it make you touched.I just can say sorry my "cold" feeling hurt you. I also scare people treat me good and suddenly cold, that's why I also will avoid if people treat me too good because I scare will lost.i can understand your feeling.
  He is a good man, perhaps he can bring you happiness, I also happy for you. Wish both of you stay sweet forever. Yup, I am cold but anything still can find me

First blog 2016

  It's been two years long I didn't renew my blog. Today 2016 I write blog again. Last time I care whether got people comment or not, but now I don't care, blog is just for myself to express out my feeling.
  Today I went to hospital for follow up again, doctor advise me better don't take the heavy thing. He said he also don't want later need to do operation. The most scary thing is I scare It turns worse and cannot walk. This coming Saturday I join zombie run (charity run). This charity run means a lot to me. In fact, doctor advise better don't but I want to try. Can I still run or cannot run depends on this charity run. Perhaps I can finish 5km run and nothing bad happen in between.
 
 

冲上云霄~

  Lately, i watch this series and i am so addicted to it. When i watching this series, i saw an airport and it reminds me of them again. Airport is the place for people to achieve their dream and also the place where they have to leave each other ( family, friend and etc) to further their studies at oversea. We can see a lot of situation that happen in the airport such like people crying of have to leave their family. Besides, also got people happy when they saying goodbye to their love ones. I cry when i watch the girl have to say goodbye to her loves one and their relationship already changed and they will not be together again. Sometime we cannot predict what will happen in the future. But no matter what the decision we make, we must not regret about it. Instead of regret about the past, why not we waste our time to invent our future? It's right, the fate is already fixed but most of the fate is in our hand. It's depends on how we invent and appreciate it~

過去的不強求， 要走的不挽留

“過去的不強求
要走的不挽留”

最近对这句词的感触很深。 一直以来，也许是我太强求了， 太执着于人，事，物。 对于友情和爱情很重感情的我终于好像就快放手了。过去就让它过去吧，不要一直怀恋以前的回忆而忘记向前进。没有固定的友情或爱情是会长久的。 缘来缘去，好聚好散。 既然如果我们的缘已尽，就算再怎么强求也没用。这只会让彼此感到很累。所以，要是注定了你们要走，我也不会再强迫自己挽留你们。这些都是无常，就是这些让人都很犹豫和引起烦恼。烦恼都是由自己的思想所造成的。但这并不代表只要你逃避，就不会有烦恼。 正确的方式是面对它，处理它与放下它。

Mix feeling

  Yesterday, i brought my juniors went to Jalan Pasar to buy electronic component and ask for guidance for her project. I know the feeling when you feel hopeless when there is no one else who can help you or guide you during the progress of final year project (FYP). Because of that reason, i sacrifice my sleeping time to wake up earlier to bring them there. After that when she mentioned yun yi they also got joined our annual camp. At that moment, i really have no special feeling even i know she did that to attract me. I not sure whether i change or they changed until i really tired of this kind of friendship?
  Since they came back to Malaysia, they didn't contact me at all even through facebook. This really make me upset at first. Slowly, i used to this kind of situation. Even US friend online also they didn't chat with me. I am the one always find them and chat. Just when they have problem and doubt, they only will come to find me. Sometime i really don't know what they treat me as? I don't mind to become trash can but sometime i want to find people to chat with to release out everything, they always busy and seldom reply. This makes me not dare to disturb them. But when they have problem, i sure will be there for them and try hard to solve their problem.
  Recently, i don't feel like want to facebook. I really tired of those things. Yup, when i saw them online, i feel like wanted to chat with them but i not dare to disturb them since they always busy with their studies. I miss them almost everyday but what can do? The life still goes on. Maybe just me only miss them, they never miss me like how i miss them. I tired of friendship and love. Where to find friend who really always be there for you when you need them? Five years of friendship finally changed. Even i really want to ask them come to join my convocation but i not dare and don't want to force them. Perhaps i can face the convocation naturally. Maybe that time many people will take photo together in one gang or one group.Maybe in the convocation is the last time we will meet each other. Everyone has their own direction and different way to go. Every moment in uniten will be in my mind forever, no matter happy or upset incident. I really envy those who have good housemates and stay until end of the semester. I hope i also can be like them but got one time i chased out by my housemates. I have no one to blame, just can blame myself of being stupid and not clever like others who always got the good result. Seriously, until today i still not yet ready for my convocation, i don't know how to face it naturally. 

healthy issue

  Recently, my body is not in a good condition. I easily to get tired and dizzy. If you ask me the reason why, i also don't know how to answer. Last time seriously tension with the customer who keep omplained about the circuit board. After working, i drink teh tarik. I went to see chinese doctor and gone through some treatment, all the doctor said i cannot drink tea even teh tarik as well. I don't know what is the actual reason.
  Until that day only i feel different after took teh tarik. After i drank it, i feel very tired, sleepy and my heart beeping quite fast. Then, i start to feel dizzy. Last time i still can drink it and it is one of my favouite drink. Everything happens in a sudden. I can't see anything changes in my body also. I just know nowadays i have a lot of things that cannot eat. Sometime when i thinking back again, i am wondering why last time i am so healthy but now not so. I did regret why from the start, i didn't take care of myself well and that's why will cause so many problem happen.
  Even today when i work, i feel very tired and dizzy.I am thinking if like this kind of company already like this, how about other company which is more stressful than this. I not dare to think about it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Friends...

  When I saw the marking in the calendar, actually it just about two months but it feels like years.I didn't deny that almost everyday I will miss them. From the day I sent them off  until today, I still waiting for them to come back to Malaysia. They just need to study for three years. Last time my friends study at uk for about 5 years and now they already in Malaysia.Even so, I feel like our relationship already change. Maybe they changed and I still the same. No matter how, they still my friends. Because of them, today only I can be the person who you saw now.
  Sometime when saw them online, wanted to chat with them but scare that will interrupt their time.
Besides, I also want to Skype with them. The purpose of wanted to Skype is to see how they doing there or just want to listen to their voice. It sounds like weird but this is what person who have strong feeling feels. I think they never know. One day, A and I very miss her and wanted to Skype with her.Due to she lazy to use computer, then she asked is it okay if just use voice call. That day, I thought we can have a chance to have a short conversation together but I don't understand what is in her mind. End up, we waiting until both of us fall asleep. The feeling is quite disappointed. Even you are busy with homework, you can use your time on Facebook but cannot use your time to Skype with us? I persuading myself by thinking maybe you have your own reason and I trying to understand you as I said I want to be a understandable person.
  Between, I also wanted to Skype with someone else. Got one time I also wait until fall asleep. One day, I don't know why I will press video call. That is the first time video call with her. I very happy that she showed me the environment there. The environment is damn good, I think I also fall in love with it. I wish that I can lie on the green grass and calculating the amount of the star or just see the sky. Every time when I am in bad mood, I hope I got place to do so.Glad to see that they live there happily and got new friends there,haha...

Works

  Today, again the customer complained about the circuit board. Why keep asking us to explain on the board. This is common sense. If something spoil, even you use glue or something else, the crack will still be there and one day the thing will break and no longer can use already. Seriously, before I repair I already know this thing will happen, that's why I don't want to do. But customer keep pushing me and some more cc to boss and madam. This really makes me so stressful.
  The lucky thing is madam didn't scold me, maybe she also expects like this kind of incident will happen one day.When I facing this kind of problem, the most scary is boss and madam will scold me but luckily not.She also finding counter measure to solve this issue. I don't know what will happen after she leaving to US. She is more expert in electrical field. I scare in the future I have no people to refer to and ask about the knowledge of the circuit. But the current thing that I can do is patient and do whatever I can. Sometime, I felt boring because always doing the same thing and sometime suddenly I will compare with other friend who also working too. I think they must be learn more compared to me and more expert. Nowadays very hard to get job. Requirement for all company also the same which is need at least 1 year experience. I not sure whether I can work until 1 year or not and not dare to think about the future.
  The electric field that I interested in is something about sensor, PCB design by using software and so on. Hopefully I can design PCB and know how to draw mechanical part by using autocad. Nowadays all these software is very important, no matter whether you are mechanical or electrical background. The more you know, the more valuable you are. I have to learn all by myself and I hope that one day I can become a successful engineer who is knowledgeable. perhaps the day will come.

Flower-hearted

People said if you love someone, you will accept all his or her weakness.Lately, I found a big weakness in him which I not really can accept. From he asked me about phone, I get to know that he is really flower hearted. At first, want to know the price for S3. After gave the price, he said actually he wanted to buy tablet 10.1 third generation. After that, asked for Note 3. Same thing, after gave price, again he said actually he likes Note 4. Said no money to buy but wanted to buy so many thing. I keep asking supplier and I think supplier also wanted to scold me already. I really want to scold him some bad words. This is not the first time. When he wanted to rent house at my house also same. At first, said everything okay and want to stay outside but yet still appeal for apartment. Seriously I have nothing to say. Furthermore he said he will pay for the first month for the rental even though if he got the hostel. Seriously pissed off with this case. Anyway, it is good too, at least I know he is flower hearted and I think I can sure my feeling towards him is not love, just maybe because I touched by something that he did to me. I really touch that he went to bus station at 6 and pick me up, gave me present and treat me dinner.
  He is my friend, thus I point out to him about his weakness because I really cannot stand with it. Now at least I know that we just normal friend after doubt for some time.

Confusing

  This time I come back is to make my mind clear about what I want to be  in the future. Besides, I also want to testing my feeling towards him. Since I come back, he keeps fb chat and SMS me.From a series, i got to know that love and need is two difference things.I not sure I really got feeling towards him or just used to the life within him.Till today I still doubt~

Birthday celebration

  Today, i really surprise that my friend ask me out for my birthday celebration. I just wear normal only and didn't bring camera as well. It really a big surprise for me. I think this is the first time so many people celebrate my birthday. I really feel touch. When i saw those hand made cards, i really feel like wanna crying. They really concern about me. But i had promised myself that i don't want to cry in front of people, i did it^_^ Some of them asked me to find bf, it really hurt me,haha~Actually, i also hope that ppou ( those who will go to oversea soon ) will join too but they didn't due to too busy. I don't know why i suddenly will feel down, maybe because of her? I don't know why am i so care about her? Maybe this is the last time we can celebrate it together...Why i am so attach with "taurus" girls since secondary school. I don't know what is the relationship between libra and taurus? Why i am so attached to them, even at university also. I really don't know. Is there anyone can tell me why? First sight when i saw her, i start to concern about her. I get to know that her horoscope also taurus, no wonder. I thought can take pic with they all but they didn't come. I felt a bit disappointed but i not dare to tell my juniors. At that moment, i just want to go back hostel and stay in my room. I think that will be better, i should not let them worry. I should make them happy because they try so hard and plan how to celebrate my birthday party.  I really feel glad can know them in this world. Hopefully after i graduate, i still able to hang out with them.

我的心情

最近的心情很不好。今天才刚考完test 2,又是做assignmentd和project的时候了。我还有很多东西要做，又要担心到底自己会不会找到工。找工的ｄｕｅ　ｄａｔｅ越来越靠近了，我就越来越紧张。身边所有的人都找到工了，就只剩下我还在等。我真的很伤心。我有兴趣的公司却淘汰我。心想成绩真的那么重要吗？难道成绩真的是一切吗？我真的很后悔，除了后悔还是后悔。我很讨厌自己为什么总是拿不到自己想要的东西。我真的对这样的情况厌倦了，ＡＲＧＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨ！！！

那些年，我們一起追的女孩(預告浪漫版)

星光~

  转眼间，我参加菩提工作坊已有半年了。真的很感恩自己有机会学习佛法，学习唱佛曲的机会。老师们对我们都很好，真的很感动。虽然老师再忙，他们也会抽出时间教我们，对我们不离不弃。他们教我们很多方法去诠释每一首歌。今天是我们的毕业典礼，我们的主题曲是“你们是我的星光”。当我唱这首歌的时候，真的有很多画面浮现在我脑海里。例如：佛曲143的筹备，还有很多不同的表演。虽然练习的过程有点辛苦，但是当看到我们的效果蛮不错，还有能够跟大家分享佛法的好，真的还蛮感动的。那种感觉真的是难以形容。真的很高兴看到很多学长来支持我们，很有重温的感觉。谢谢你们一直的陪伴，陪伴我成长。你们真的教会了我很多。谢谢，感恩~